What I’m currently thankful for.

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Our savings account is at an all time low. Casual work is uncertain and stress causing. New studies are time consuming and assessments come in from all angles on top of each other. I’m sitting here at the computer feeling deliriously happy  and insanely stressed and I thought I should blog about it.
Sometimes I think I push away my thankfulness because the to-do list is too long. Can’t be happy for no reason right now, there are bills to pay and kids to get to parties and baby sitters to organise and multiple lives to squish together! Relief with a glass of wine at the end of the day is sometimes the only chance to breathe.

Today I’m going to write what I’m thankful for and then take 30 minutes to just think about those things and how, if everything else fell apart, I’d still be OK.

I’m thankful for my husband and his beautiful children that I call mine. The hugs and love I received just yesterday could buoy the spirits of 10 stressed people!  I’m thankful for my close and distant friends that support me in times of need – whether that’s by a brief facebook message or actual physical support. I’m even thankful for my friends when they can’t support me due to what they’re carrying. I know they’re thinking of me as I am of them. I thankful for my mind. Despite it’s insistence on leaving things to the last minute (procrastinator extraordinaire) and thinking too much when sleep is required it’s a sharp mind that has pulled me through many obstacles. I’m thankful for my health and for the health of all those that are important to me. That’s a lottery winner right there. Lastly I’m thankful for the ability to write here and get my thoughts out. It’s been a while since I decompressed via blogging and it truly helps. It’s the first thing to go when life gets tough and busy yet it’s the first thing I think of when I want to express a stress or joy.

Hopefully this post helps someone stop and examine the good that’s hiding around all the boring life stuff.
Take care, take time and be thankful!


5 Current Goals

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I’m a very goal oriented person. It’s probably why I stress so much because even when things are nice and calm and even I’m thinking 300 steps ahead. It’s hard to turn it off.
Something that I had to do while I was studying and very nervous about failing was to set myself only 3 or 4 very achievable goals per semester. They were always things like “try to put some money away towards something” or “survive every day”. If I had any real goals that were hard for me to achieve I’d lose my confidence and then my grades would suffer. I am a list writer as I’ve confessed before so I do have lists of goals right by me to make this post very easy to write.

So here it goes:

5. Try to lose 4-9 kilos by Jan 1st. This goal is a very flexible goal because I’m happy with how I look, but I like to have a health goal in there somewhere. I never feel bad if I don’t achieve these goals. Which is good because I like junk food.

4. Not let the BM win at any of the legal, bureaucratic or manipulative things that she is attempting – now or in the future. This is an ongoing goal that causes me great stress as the deluge from her is never ending. I want it to stop, but I know it never will. That’s why it’s not number 1 on my list because I can’t make this my life’s focus or I will go insane.

3. Get a full time job. I love my job, but the lack of security is annoying. I’d love a permanent position at a great school in Sydney.

2. Try to build up my savings account a little. I’m not asking for much with this goal. Most money is spent before it arrives in this household so this one is all about baby steps. Putting away a little when we can and building towards a comfortable life.

1. Make sure that my family is happy and healthy and they they know that I love them. Also ensure that they don’t see the stress or the frustration that I feel at times. Money and BM and work problems should not be things that the children know about. Their lives should be free from those stresses until they are much older.

Hope your goals are just as achievable as mine!

Until next time,
x CW


My 5 Favourite Songs

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I took a few days off due to being busy, but I’m back and continuing my 30 day blogging challenge.
Also I have finally caught up with society and have joined Twitter. You can follow me here!

Today’s topic is my top 5 songs:

5. Saltwater by Julian Lennon
I love this song with all my heart. I heard it first on rage or video hits as a child and then taped it to cassette from the radio. I sang it every day until I drove everyone in the house insane. ❤ LOVE! Jules is also such an inspiration. A great artist, performer, photographer, humanitarian and human being in general.

4. Cosmic Dancer by T-Rex
One of my favourites from this amazing man that was taken from this world too soon. The song is about reincarnation, according to Marc. Hopefully he’s reincarnated somewhere being awesome.

3. Sin by Nine Inch Nails
What a great song. It’s angry and sexy and great to dance to also. I love many NIN songs, but this one is guaranteed to put a smile on my face.

2. This Guys In Love With You (cover) by Faith No More
This mans voice can make anything amazing and sexy. This live cover is just so romantic and beautiful I can’t go past it.

1. 5 years by David Bowie
A sad and thoughtful song by one of the greatest songwriters of all time. It’s about the limited time that we have on this planet.

OK, so that’s me done until tomorrow or perhaps later today if I feel inspired.

x CW

What I am afraid of

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This is an interesting question. What am I afraid of? I might get to it if I first talk about what I’m not afraid of.

  • I’m not afraid of getting old. I love the idea of my hair greying and my body sagging. I once hoped to skip everything and to just fast forward to being 60. I realised later on that was based on my low self esteem and feeling my whole life was going to be as hard as the first 20 years. I’ve enjoyed thoroughly the last 10+ years and I can’t wait for more to follow. I didn’t have a panic at 30 and I’m looking forward to 40.
  • I’m not afraid of dying. I’ve been depressed and suicidal and I’m not that now. I definitely don’t WANT to die, but I do not fear that moment. I don’t want it to happen for another 50 years but I’ll be cool with it whenever it comes.
  • I’m not afraid of being alone. I’m happily married now and I plan to be for the rest of my life, but I have been alone and I like being alone and it’s not something I fear.
  • I’m not afraid of what people think of me. I have had a narcissist mother lie about me to my friends and family for so many years that I honestly don’t care about liars and backstabbers. I don’t like it when I do something wrong and actually deserve the thoughts people are thinking, but when people’s opinion of me is not based on fact I care very little about it.

I think I am afraid of my step children not loving me. I know this is far fetched and not likely to happen as they adore me, but I think this is the one that keeps me up the most. That they will believe their mother’s lies or that I’ll actually do something wrong that will forever change the wonderful positive relationship that I have with them. I love them so much I do not want to see them hurt by anybody, even me.


My Proudest Moment

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This isn’t probably what I’m supposed to be writing for this one, but RIGHT NOW, right this very second my proudest moment is that I haven’t marched over to the BM’s house and beaten her to a bloody pulp. I am so angry right now that I wouldn’t even care about the consequences.

She has attempted to do something so heinous and damaging to our happiness as a family that I don’t even want to think about it right now.

So that’s it right now. I will tell more later, but I’m very proud of having self control. Off to do a binding spell now – not sure if it will work on such a powerful beast, but it’s worth a shot!


My Dream Job

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Hello again,

Today’s topic is My dream job. That’s an interesting one because in a way I’m doing my dream job, yet in a way I’m still far from it.
I am a teacher. I love being a teacher and every day that I go into a different classroom and teach things and be amazing makes me feel fantastic. I did not decide to become a teacher because I thought it’d be easy. I didn’t become a teacher to have 11 weeks of holidays a year (HA!). I became a teacher because I honestly could not think of anything else in the world that I wanted to do. So far it has given me much joy and I feel incredibly lucky.

That said my perfect dream job would be becoming full time on an Early Stage 1 or Stage 1 class at one of my favourite schools to teach at. This particular school has great staff and great students and just makes me feel happy to be there. I do work there now on a casual basis. If I were given a Stage 2 or 3 class that would be great too, but if we’re talking DREAMS here it wold be a class full of young kids to try out my ideas on and watch the incredible transformation into confident young people.

Here’s a picture below of what every teacher looks like. Well maybe on the first day of school!

Cheerio and see you tomorrow!


young woman looking like a student/teacher, with laptop, stack of books,green apple
young woman looking like a student/teacher, with laptop, stack of books,green apple

My Favourite Quote

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Wow. So many inspiring word to choose from.
I wasn’t always a quote person, but I have used them throughout tough periods of my life and will often go searching for them now. As a teacher who is having a frustrating day, as a step mum having a tough run with the BM, as a grown woman having flashbacks of her life with an abusive narcissist mother, as a wife, as an infertile woman and sometimes just looking for a general pick me up.

This one stood out to me and was one of the first to be put on our family message board a couple of years ago.
There is so much joy in my life. There has been much sadness and pain and struggle, but there is SO MUCH joy. We sometimes get so bogged down in the day to day of home life – money, bills, errands, lists, discipline, what’s for dinner, setting alarms for the morning – that we forget to take in the happiness and allow ourselves to focus on the things that matter. Hugs, furniture that’s well worn and comfortable, kids running to see you and excited to tell you how they are improving at school.

The BM was on my mind when I first wrote this on my board. She’s sometimes hard to keep out. Letters from CSA and acid filled texts from her remind me that our lives are entwined until SS is AT LEAST 18. Though that may be true, here is the catch: She’s not a part of our home. She’s not a part of our family. We need to limit the amount of time we spend thinking about her and letting her poison pervade our family. That’s the main thing that has no meaning to me or my family. Her hatred of me and DH does not turn off the supply of anything we need to make our home ours.
So here it is, my favourite quote: